What should fathers say to their daughters

Being given a daughter is a sacred trust, but the world doesn’t care about that.

And, it will happen.  

Your daughter’s self-perception is going to be influenced by something and/or by someone.

Do you want it to be Vogue or Cosmo magazine? How about the advertisements in the windows of the Victoria Doesn’t Have Any Secrets store? Of course not! This world has no business providing perspective for the children of The King.

Why does your daughter have you for her father? Because God knew exactly what He was doing. He strategically placed “Dad” in her life so she would get her information about who she is and how she is valued from the right place.

There are eight things every daughter needs to hear from her dad. Some of them are pretty basic . . . so basic, we seldom, if ever, say them. But, that can change today.

She needs to hear:

1) I love you.

She needs to know she doesn’t have to perform or measure up to some arbitrary standard to receive your love and approval. She is (should be) loved because she is there, in your life – just like God loves us.

2) You are beautiful.

The world won’t tell her this . . . not without an ulterior motive. Mostly, the world will tell her she isn’t beautiful, doesn’t measure up, is too this, or not enough that, etc. And, it’s never too late to start. I once heard a dying man say to his 60 yr. old daughter, “You’re so beautiful,” for the first time! Oh, how she loved hearing those words!

But, it’s best to begin when she’s young. Provide her with the truth. “You’re a beautiful young girl/woman.” Your daughter needs to hear this and she will find someone who will tell her so, why not make the search to hear these words unnecessary? And, be sure to tell her often.

3) You are a wonderful person and I like being with you.

Every good man wants his daughter to be secure and to have a grounded self-esteem. One powerful way this happens is when you communicate in word and actions that you want your daughter to be with you. Need to go to the hardware store? “Hey sweet girl, I’d sure love it if you came with me.”

4) I’m there for you.

Where will she go when life closes in on her? To that place where a lecture awaits or to that safe place where a loving heart listens with sincere interest to her tangled yarn ball of anxieties and troubles? Without a word, you’re telling her that you are there, will always be there, and that you care. Every daughter needs to experience that loving silence.

5) I will protect you.

A young woman has honor and dignity and will maintain these things if they are protected. The world would strip them away in an instant. The good father communicates to his daughter that her honor and dignity are safe with him. He will defend them, regardless of the cost.

6) I will provide for you.

It’s easy to get our needs and our wants confused, so this can be challenging but tell your daughter you will do all in your power to provide for her needs. Life can throw men some strong “curve balls”. Life can be challenging and when that happens, your daughter needs to know that you’ll go without to provide for her. In so doing, you’re showing her the kind of man she should marry.

7) God loves you.

“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God,” the Bible says. Our daughters need to hear the truth from us . . . God loves them. We need to tell them this amazing news.

8) God has given you many special abilities/gifts to fulfill a special purpose. Your life has meaning.

Your daughter needs to hear that she is special – that God has created her as a unique individual who is designed to glorify Him with the many wonderful abilities and gifts that He has given to her.

When your lifestyle embodies these vital messages, a daughter grows in her trust and security in you and in the God you’ve been telling her about all these years.

How have you communicated these things to your girls?

Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach and founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Tumalo Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).