As impossible as it may seem, becoming celibate after being sexually active is possible. And it is possible to do it with grace and without feeling like your body is going to explode from the need of wanting to have sex with someone. I am celibate, I have been celibate for several years, and I currently do not feel I have to jump the bones of some random man because I am in heat.
If you want to read my blog on why I stopped having sex then you can read my blog here, to get the full story on why I made that decision. Despite what you may believe about becoming celibate after being sexually active I have to clear up a few myths that many people may think about those of us who choose to become celibate. That way if you are thinking about becoming celibate after being sexually active, you understand that there is nothing wrong with you or your sex drive because you want to withdraw from sex. Before I get into the rest of the post, be sure to check out my video on celibacy below. Click here you subscribe toward to my YouTube Channel.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active myths:
- MYTH: You must not like to have sex.
- TRUTH: I do enjoy sex.
- MYTH: You must not be a very sexual person or comfortable in bed.
- TRUTH: I am very comfortable with myself and my sex life when I had it. Celibacy is not about not being comfortable with having sex. It is about something deeper. (which I will talk about below)
- MYTH: If you fail with becoming celibate, that means you cannot do it and you mine as well give up.
- TRUTH: I tried to become celibate many times (for a couple of years) before actually succeeding.
- MYTH: I am celibate by accident if I have a boyfriend I would probably be having sex.
- TRUTH: Celibacy is an INTENTIONAL CHOICE. It is not something that you do because you do not have any options around. It is something that you choose to do because it is the right thing for you and your body no matter who is around and who you are dating.
I have written a blog about the benefits of becoming celibate which you can read here. Choosing to become celibate is not just about sex. It is for the benefit of the person deciding to do it.
I am sure that if you are considering becoming celibate after being sexually active you can relate to these things.
- You have felt used and abused after having sex with someone. The situation may have gone something like this. They had sex with you, dumped you eventually, and you are sitting here wondering why you wasted your vaginal walls on this man all for you not to be together anyway.
- You may want to get married and you realize that all the men you have had sex with, you are not married to them now. So you want to go about your relationship in a different way since having sex without a ring did not work for you before.
No one wants to feel that someone is just attracted to them for their body, for their sex, or to put their self in a position to be slept with and then dumped. Typically when a woman decided to become celibate after being sexually active, it is because having sex is just not doing it for them anymore. And if you find yourself feeling like you are in a situation, where sex has taken over your relationship or you start to just feel like sex is overcrowding your judgment. I 100% recommend celibacy.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active ~ How I Made It Work
At first, yes it was hard. Remember when I told you that I tried celibacy several times and failed several times. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Because eventually, it did work out. When I finally did succeed at becoming celibate there were things that I finally made me successful.
First, I stop putting myself in bad situations
If you did read my blog, why I stopped having sex. Then you would have read a story about me, getting kicked out, on my birthday, in the middle of the night, for another woman (I am paraphrasing) such an embarrassing experience that I never wanted to happen again.
I did not want to have that feeling anymore, I did not want to be blinded by sex anymore, and I did not want to give the man the satisfaction of thinking that he could have his cake and eat it too. And since I could not control him or any other men; I decided to control myself. And once I decided to control myself and who I gave myself to, I no longer had those incidences in which I mistook sex for love. And saving myself the pain on having another situation like that was alleviated the hardness of being celibate. Because truth be told I am much happier now.
Second, I stopped being ruled by the flesh
I realized that I was being ruled flesh. I wrote about this in the resist the devil and he will flee blog post (click here to read). I did not know what being ruled by the flesh was until I actually realized that I had a little lust demon inside of me. The reason why it seemed like it was hard to become celibate is that I had a lot of lust inside of me that I could not control. When you cannot control your flesh (see my blog here) that is when you are being ruled by the flesh. But once I controlled it, not having sex became a lot easier.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active how you can do it.
- Do not watch porn, nude magazine, and stay away from lustful images.
- Do not get drunk and/or use drugs.
I myself drink so I do not expect you to never drink if you are of drinking age. But getting drunk to the point that your inhibitions are compromised will make you more likely to have sex.
- Do not put yourself in a compromising position.
I wrote about this on how to maintain your celibacy while in a relationship which you can click here to read. That means not going over his house in the middle of the night to spend the night to cuddle with no clothes on. You are more likely to have sex when you put yourself in these situations.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active ~ Donât care what anyone else thinks.
I also wrote about this in my being a single mom and being celibate blog. Many men may try to tell you that because you have already had sex that you do not have the right to be celibate. Choose to ignore that advice and choose to ignore him. No one has the right to tell you what you should and should not be doing with your body.
Or better yet, tell him to empty out his bank account and give the money to you. He will probably tell you that you do not have the right to his money because you are not his wife and he has no obligation to you. Which will prove your point? You have no right to tell him what to do with his money, just like he does not have the right to tell you what to do with your body because you have no obligation to him.
If you are becoming celibate after being sexually active that is YOUR CHOICE. I do not care what your man says, what your friends say, and I do not care if you just had sex yesterday. What you do with your vagina and who you let in and out of it, is YOUR business. And no one has the right to tell you how to feel about it.
As someone who has been there, done that, and is still doing it; celibacy is not some depressing thing where you just cannot wait to have sex again. In all honesty, I do not even think about it. What I do think about, is finding a relationship that ends in marriage that not only bring me sex BUT also a deeper long term connection that extends beyond sex.
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