1. Yes, she's really bisexual. You wouldn't keep asking a straight woman you were dating if she was "really" straight, right? Yeah, it's just as weird for you to do that to a bisexual woman.
2. And on top of annoying questions, she likely experiences a unique form of identity erasure. When I’m out at the movies with David, the tall, hairy, straight dude, society assumes that I’m a straight woman. When I’m out at a queer club covered in glitter and making out with Lauren, the lesbian I’m seeing, society assumes I’m a femme lesbian. While I enjoy dating people like David and people like Lauren, both experiences often include bi erasure, or society’s desire to categorize me as either straight or gay. As a result, I often feel unseen. If you’re dating a bisexual woman, you can help her feel close to her identity by encouraging her to stay involved in the bi community and not making the mistake of assuming she’s straight or gay now based upon your own orientation.
3. No, she's not going to cheat on you just because she's bisexual. That'd be like saying someone was going to cheat on you because all blondes cheat. Do you know how many monogamous blondes there are in the world? So many monogamous blondes! Same with bisexuals.
4. She's not going through a phase. So many people act like bisexuality is this weigh station between gay and straight, but it's not. She was probably born bisexual and will probably always be bisexual. Rest assured, if she likes you, she likes you.
5. She's not attracted to everyone she sees. Because I don't just date one gender, people act like I'm attracted to every single person in every room, but in reality, I am usually attracted to zero people in most rooms. I'm a picky broad, man.
6. If she ends up with one gender, that doesn't mean she's not still attracted to multiple genders. If a bisexual woman marries a man, she's still bisexual. If she marries a woman, still bisexual. She didn't finally, at long last, pick a side. She married someone she loves, who happens to be one particular gender.
7. And nope, not all women are bisexual. A man on Tinder said this to me recently when I mistakenly swiped right (it was because he had a cute dog). My profile states that I am queer/bisexual. His first message to me read, “I have a theory that all women are bisexual.” Nice theory, douche nozzle, but I’m on here to get laid, not have my orientation incorrectly mansplained. A study did suggest that women who identify as straight can be turned on by porn featuring sex between two women. This suggests that all orientations can be physically aroused by depictions of different sex, but it does not mean that all women are bi. If someone identifies as straight, let them be straight. To assume that “all women are bi” because straight women can get turned on by lesbian porn too erases and invalidates the unique and often challenging experience of living and dating as an openly bisexual person.
8. She's not just "greedy." Why do bisexual people get called greedy all the time like they're going to date every single person on earth because they have hypnotic powers and then everyone else will be single and miserable? See no. 4. I am attracted to almost no one, which means you can have almost everyone. I do not want them all.
9. She might be really scared to tell you she's bisexual. Because if she does, you might assume one of the things on this list and then she'll either feel like she has to explain her whole life to you or have you hate her or start being weird around her. Sadly, she's faced these kinds of things before with other partners and is really worried that you might be the same as all the other assholes. So please don't be.
10. She doesn't have a specific percentage of how gay she is and how straight she is. Seriously, why do you want her to make sexuality pie charts anyway, weirdo? She just told you she's bisexual. That doesn't require diagrams.
11. She can also be attracted to trans/non-binary/and gender fluid folks. Because of the “bi” in “bisexual,” it’s often incorrectly assumed that bi women are only attracted to cis people. It’s true that some people attracted to all genders prefer terms such as “queer” or “pansexual” because they feel it’s more inclusive or accurately describes them. However, being bisexual means attraction to all genders, not just cis straight people. Therefore others in the LGBTQ community feel it’s important to identify as bi to fight bi erasure, or the common desire to write off the often misunderstood identify.
12. Guys: No, she doesn't want to have a threesome with you just because she's bisexual. She might want to have a threesome because she likes threesomes in the same way some straight people like threesomes, but assuming she wants that just because she's attracted to more than one gender doesn't even make sense and it makes you sound like a moron. Please don't be a moron.
13. Yes, she's able to commit to same-sex relationships. Lesbians, you are so scary to so many bisexual women because so many of you think that bisexuals are cheaters or liars or fickle when the fact of the matter is, that bisexual girl who broke your heart because she left you for a man just left you for a person. Be mad or hurt or sad because someone dumped you for someone else, but don't think for a second they dumped you because they secretly loved boys more than girls. Come on.
14. She might feel like she doesn't have any place in the LGBT community or in the straight community. Because lesbians think she's not gay enough and straight people think she's this overly sexualized tramp who will sleep with anyone. Even though the B in LGBT is there, it often feels like it's not, so being supportive of her occasionally feeling isolated goes a long way.
15. She may have only had serious relationships with one gender and not another, but that doesn't mean she's more into one gender or another. Some bisexuals have mostly had long-term relationships with men and not as many relationships with women, oftentimes because they were socialized to be straight and pursue boys, so they've just been dating them longer. But whatever the reason, that doesn't make her X percent gay or straight. It just means she's had more experience (or luck) with one gender than another. Also, please stop trying to do the math on this, seriously.
16. No, you can't "turn" her one way or the other. Your love or sex or body parts cannot make her more into your specific gender just because you're so awesome. That is not a thing.
17. Yes, fine, she's bisexual, but she's also a woman you're crazy about. If you're reading this, there's a good chance that the fact that this girl you like is bisexual is a little overwhelming to you. That's OK. But don't forget she's a person. A complex, multifaceted, funny, intelligent, fascinating, hot person you're totally into. So it doesn't really matter who she likes or doesn't like or why. If she likes you, that's all you really need to know.
Follow Lane on Twitter and Instagram.
Follow Sophie on Twitter.
Lane MooreSex & Relationships EditorI'm Lane Moore, sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.com.
- What is PCB IP
- Are you on intermittent fasting
- Experience of soapy massage in Thailand
- Do the Japanese eat KFC at Christmas
- What are illegal drugs
- Fruit Why are grapes so expensive
- Whats different about grandparenting today
- Can I read Sai Satcharitra at home
- What degrees can you get in psychology
- What is the strongest type of fencing
- How has your experience with IKEA been
- Is Clinique cruelty free
- Do you know Forex margin trading
- Is America a true democracy
- Why did people choose Pragya Thakur
- How do I improve my social quotient
- Was Steve Jobs born poor
- What is non policy issue